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The Amazing Chase.. A True Urban Story

Posted by Tipp Voice on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 , under | comments (0)




It’s dusk in the sprawling metroplex known as Tipp (or Tippecanoe, if you’re a purist) as the stereoscopic predator prepares to await his prey. Miles Avenue is by no means reminiscent of the Serengeti, but it can get pretty dusty and Matt Black is poised nonetheless. The hunt will soon be on.

Black is an avid hunter, but laments that lately the roles of predator and prey have been skewed in favor of those armed with compound bows or semi-automatics with flash suppressors or silencers. “An unfair advantage” he declares with a scowl and an eye on the horizon…or maybe just across the street. “This time…it’s personal, and I’ll take the prize with my bare hands.” In the corner of his eye, he detects a blur of activity in the front lawn abutting Miles.

Eschewing the more mainstream role as webmaster/gatherer, Black spends some downtime at the home of his mother (known as “Mother Black”…or just “Mom”) as he considers the conditions within the city limits; he waits…waits for his prey to make “the mistake.”

Suddenly he lifts a hand, causing the matriarch of his “pride” to be very still, as he senses a new quarry. “I’ll take this one, Mom,” but he knows he’s not alone. Someone or something is competing for this urban trophy, but he will turn this situation to his advantage, again, as he aims to use the assets that nature gave him: incredible speed and guile, a higher brain function, and opposable thumbs. “Rest, Mom…dinner is on me.”

Leaping from the front porch, Black bolts after his prey, a ten point buck, he hopes…or maybe a fawn, but that minor detail detracts from the excitement of the tale; it’s a wild animal nonetheless. Black sees his competition: their behavior reminds him of a SAY soccer game; gaggles of giggling adolescents chasing his prey from yard to yard, trying to run down the frightened, disoriented fawn. After all, his quarry has no working knowledge of municipal code or recently adapted fencing regulations that seem incomprehensible. Black knows he has to outsmart the 3rd graders with his superior knowledge and speed.

Distracting the kids by pointing at an ice cream truck (He’s always hated the theme from “the Sting”), he eyeballs the fleeing animal, and starts his run. The fawn has legs, but it can’t outfox “Cheetah” Black, if you’ll pardon the mixed metaphors. Hitting speeds of 7 mph, Black realizes the Marlboro in one hand and the Miller High Life in the other represent an unacceptable level of drag and he jettisons them, accelerating…to almost 8 miles an hour! His heart pounds away like a jackhammer as his pace compacts the air in front of him and the sonic punch explodes…or maybe it was just gas. Nonetheless, he’s booking. Suddenly he grinds to a stop in the neighbor’s back yard. His prey is obviously hiding, with nowhere to go as it finds itself “fenced in” by a fence, a faux stockade variety, perfectly acceptable to municipal code, of course.

Cheetah Black knows his speed won’t help him now, but his “sense of stalk” comes into play as he makes his way toward the cowering, but still semi-dangerous animal. Black stops, catching his breath and wiping the sweat from his brow as maneuvers downwind to prepare for “the moment.”

Like a coiled cobra, he leaps (a leaping cobra???) at the fawn, grasping it with his hands and capitalizing on his opposable thumbs, and securing it close to his chest. He awaits the inevitable sting of the animal’s fangs, but much to his consternation, the frightened quadruped kicks the living begeezus out of his torso and arms, causing the King of the Miles Ave food chain to wince. But alas, the animal is caught.

“You’re not bringing that thing into my living room,” howls Mother Black mightily. “I’ve just had the carpets clean from the last time you manhandled a Whopper with extras tomatos.” Cheetah is perplexed as to his next move: dinner, or catch and release. He turns to his daughter (covering her eyes in embarrassment and mumbling “OMG, OMG…”) and asks her to call Obi John Kessler. His old mentor will know what to do.

After he stopped laughing, Kessler sauntered into action. Putting the great besotted hunter into the back of his F250, Kessler drove for miles and miles in circles, knowing that the fawn was pummeling Cheetah Black’s chest and arms as he clutched the near-hysterical animal close to him (now we’re anthropomorphizing; animals can’t be hysterical, but Matt is…). Finally composing himself, Kessler heads out of town and finds a wooded reserve. Bleary-eyed and bruised, Black releases his quarry into the wild as the animal turns one more time toward his beneficent captor. Kessler later commented that he was sure the fawn “mooned” Black. But Matt Black knows he did the right thing.

Resting back at his lair, Kessler asked Cheetah what his greatest fear was during the whole escapade. “Was it the fangs or the possible ambush the fawn was planning as it crouched in the bushes as you approached? Was it the embarrassing publicity you’re about to get?” Black slowly shook his head and took another swig. “No… with the incredible speeds I reached during the chase, my greatest fear was a right angle turn…or maybe blacking out from the high-G stops.” And with that, Cheetah Black finished his Natty Lite, and crushed the can against his forehead. His mouth agape, Kessler could only marvel at what he just experienced. Darwin was wrong…natural selection must have failed somewhere…

Flag Day - June 14th

Posted by Tipp Voice on Saturday, June 13, 2009 , under | comments (0)




By Becky West

“I Pledge Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

Most people recite these words from rote memory. It is just a mechanical repetition of something that we learned in grade school. If you are one of those people, read the Pledge of Allegiance again, thinking about each phrase and what it means. Those words are powerful.

Alright. Now that that is done, let me ask you this. Who made the first American flag? You probably answered the same that I did. Betsy Ross, right? Well, maybe. And why is it called “The Star Spangled Banner” or “Old Glory?”

At www.usflag.org I found: “No one knows with absolute certainty who designed the first stars and stripes or who made it. Congressman Francis Hopkinson seems most likely to have designed it, and few historians believe that Betsy Ross, a Philadelphia seamstress, made the first one.”

If you search www.ushistory.org, however, you will find, “Betsy (Elizabeth Griscom Ross 1752-1836) would often tell her children, grandchildren, relatives, and friends of the fateful day when three members of a secret committee from the Continental Congress came to call upon her. Those representatives, George Washington, Robert Morris, and George Ross, asked her to sew the first flag. This meeting occurred in her home some time late in May 1776.”

Maybe Congressman Hopkinson designed the first flag, but I kind of like believing the idea that Betsy made the first flag. In my heart I’m still going to give Betsy credit for it.

There are several names for our flag. Apart from the official name which is, oddly, Flag of the United States; the most common nicknames are "Stars and Stripes", "Star-Spangled Banner" and "Old Glory."

Why the flag is called the “Stars and Stripes” is a no-brainer but how did it come to be known as “The Star Spangled Banner?” (According to Merriam Webster, the word “spangle” is “a small glittering object or particle.”) This nickname goes to the War of 1812.

“On Sept. 14, 1814, Francis Scott Key peered through clearing smoke to see an enormous flag flying proudly after a 25-hour British bombardment of Baltimore's Fort McHenry. Key was inspired to write a poem.” (www.francisscottkey.org). The name of the poem was “The Defence (original spelling) of Fort McHenry.”

The words from the poem “O say, does that Star - Spangled Banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?” gave us the nickname for our flag. Eventually the poem was made into a song, the name was changed to “The Star Spangled Banner,” and it became our national anthem by a congressional resolution on March 3, 1931.

The term “Old Glory” comes from a ship’s captain named William Driver. “The original Old Glory was made and presented to the young Captain Driver by his mother and some young ladies of his native Salem, Massachusetts. The year is uncertain, but it was probably sometime in the 1820s. It is a large flag, measuring 10 feet by 17 feet, heavily constructed and designed to be flown from a ship's mast. It originally had 24 stars and, symbolic of its nautical purpose, includes a small anchor sewn in the corner of its blue canton.

“The captain was very pleased with his gift and kept it with him always. By most accounts, he first hailed the flag as “Old Glory” when he left harbor for a trip around the world in 1831.” (Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

The Flag of the United States of America has a very long and interesting history. It has gone through many changes but “For more than 200 years, the American flag has been the symbol of our nation's strength and unity. It's been a source of pride and inspiration for millions of citizens. And the American Flag has been a prominent icon in our national history.

“Inspired by decades of state and local celebrations, Flag Day – the anniversary of the Flag Resolution of 1777 – was officially established by the Proclamation of President Woodrow Wilson on May 30th, 1916. While Flag Day was celebrated in various communities for years after Wilson’s proclamation, it was not until August 3rd, 1949, that President Truman signed an Act of Congress designating June 14th of each year as National Flag Day.” (www. usa-flag-site.org.)

I can’t say what our flag means to me any better than holidayinsights.com: “Flag Day is a day for all Americans to celebrate and show respect for our flag, its designers and makers. Our flag is representative of our independence and our unity as a nation – one nation, under God, indivisible. Our flag has a proud and glorious history. It was the lead of every battle fought by Americans. Many people have died protecting it. It even stands proudly on the surface of the moon.

“As Americans, we have every right to be proud of our culture, our nation, and our flag. So raise the flag on June 14th and every day with pride!”